Watch out Twitterverse. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Last week I became the final person on earth to join Twitter. 

If you know me at all, you know that one of my favorite pastimes is scoffing derisively at social media. Particularly Twitter. I have proudly declared on more than one occasion that I would absolutely, under no circumstances, compose a tweet. I have relentlessly mocked the serious use of hashtags (for the record, I hashtagged ironically before JT and Fallon's epic bit), and I have waxed eloquently on the perils of interpersonal communication being reduced to 140-character sound bites.

Clearly, I am full of it.

Since I have admittedly laughable plans at growing this blog to reach a large audience actually show up in Google searches, I have been consulting with blogging gurus. Said gurus have continually advised me that despite my wishes, social media is not going away and I need to join the new digital world. Needless to say, I found this news incredibly distressing, especially since I assumed that when I took a 3-yr-law-school-hiatus from Facebook, everyone else stopped using Facebook too. Oh - is that still a thing?

So, I begrudgingly joined Facebook again last month. I have always preached that Facebook destroys the natural order of things (i.e., it's not normal for me to peruse the vacation photos of people that I haven't seen or spoken to in literally 20 years). Upon rejoining, however, I was pleased to discover that I am now immune from the Facebook spell. I no longer awake from a Facebook-induced stupor in front of my computer, wondering what I have done for the last 6 hours. Victory! I started to feel less like a sell-out. I could justify this to myself, like so: "Yeah I'm on Facebook, but only because of my blog. I don't do anything else on it."

But my blogging gurus were relentless. "You really need to join Twitter. It's the new wave." 

Resistance was futile. I caved. And here I am, tweeting. Like a complete hypocrite.

This Tweet summed up my initial feelings: Click here 

In my first week of Twitter, I have probably broken every rule of Twitter decency. To those that I have offended and will likely offend soon with my lack of tweeting etiquette: I'm sorry. I think it's painfully obvious that I am a fish out of water here. I didn't even know what "RT" meant until yesterday.

But the most disturbing discovery?

#ilovetweeting